It Never Ends! – part i

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A Little Bit of Religion series (No. 37)

Having a friend in Jesus can by trying at times. It's not that he doesn't mean well; it's just that, like all friends, having them around ALL THE TIME can be a bit annoying!

Fuck off, Jesus

A Nice Pair ... but of what exactly?

It's never good to put all your eggs in one basket but this pair seem to fit nice and snugly! Post a comment when you spot what it is - and no cheating.

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It Always Pays to Ask Politely (well, sometimes anyway)

As the title says, it always pays to ask politely: unless, that is, you make the mistake of asking a politician, public functionary, government official, in which event, brace yourself for an avalanche of wilful and bewildering ignorance.

Having said that, a letter received by Dublin schoolboy, in response to his own, addressed to Queen Elizabeth II of England, asking if she would consider returning the six counties of Northern Ireland to their brethren in the south ('cos, it's not like she plays with them anymore - does she?) exhibited unusual civility.

Given the date of the letter however, we're still not sure if it is not a belated April Fools Day prank. If it's political satire on the other hand, it certainly has a disarming effect.

Queen Elizabeth II replies to Dublin pupil’s Easter Rising letter:

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Britain! Britain! Britain!

Britain might seem a strange and confusing place to those whose knowledge is derived entirely from episodes of the popular TV series that stars David Walliams and Matt Lucas. It might surprise you therefore, to know that it is exactly like that, with much more besides.

Consider, for example, the geography of Britain, and the priceless gems that it throws up in the form of silly place names ...

... and, if you are confused by the diversity of spoken English accents to be found, we have this helpful guide:

That's all for today's lesson. Tune in next week, when we will be casting a condescending glance on some other poor country about which we know nothing, simply because it makes us feel incredibly smug.

Jane Austen's Fight Club

An adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club that seems to be just crying out for Helena Bonham Carter yet, strangely, she isn't in it. Maybe she wasn't available.

If all of that went over you head, please understand that 19th century customs and mores were rather different to what we have today. Therefore, we have enlisted the help of these people to explain Jane Austen to a 21st century audience.

We hope that you enjoyed these short features, finding them to be entertaining, whimsical yet relevant, with an underlying revisionist conceit. If you didn't, go turn on your television with your 150 channels: see if Wayne's World is showing on any of them.

No Need to Lose the Head (this time!)

At least this story has a happy ending, of a sort.

Making the Cat's Laugh (and vice versa)

Oddball Cats
Cats get themselves into a lot of shenanigans when you're not home, or at least they think you aren't. They like to chase, hunt and play rough with the other cats in the neighborhood. It seems like they're aliens from another planet because after thousands of years we still don't have any idea what they're thinking.
Posted by America's Funniest Home Videos on Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Don't Park So Close to Me

Don't get mad, get even - then get mad. That's the way to keep yourself sane in today's modern, stressful world of cars and commuting. This kind lady or gentlemen even took the time and consideration to type it out. Though, if they fly off the handle that easily, we shudder to think what their handwriting might resemble.

Cork driver left angry note saying ‘a***holes like you should take the bus’ | BreakingNews.ie:

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The Customer is Always ... a right pain in the ass!

Customer relations is looking more and more like a dying art in today's fast-driven world, where everyone is out to make a quick buck and patrons expect everything to be served to them on a plate. Fast has become the new slow and when it comes to daily sustenance requirements, people want it like, yesterday, not enough that the food which they are consuming is, in all likelihood, sending them to an early grave! They'll get to heaven before the rest of us, unless they are going to Hell, in which case they will probably have to form queue - it wouldn't be Hell otherwise, would it?

Evidence, albeit anecdotal, suggests that all this is putting a strain on the traditional customer/service provider dynamic.

And yes, before you ask, we know that April Fools Day was yesterday. As far as we are able to ascertain, this one is for real.

Drivers Hotline

A disgruntled driver makes his views known about a recent clampdown by Irish police on the use of mobile phones while driving. We understand that the driver was safely parked when these photographs were taken. Still, he makes his point!

Mercedes driver's protest against the ban on mobile phones while driving - Independent.ie:

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Come into my parlour said the Spider to the Fish

Spiders that have discovered the benefits of a fish-based diet are the subject of a study by a Swiss-Australian team, which has recently come to public attention. Indeed, eight of the 109 known families of spiders around the world have been found to have the ability to catch and kill fish much bigger than them, by ambushing their prey and injecting them with a lethal venom.

Fish-eating spiders discovered by scientists – video | World news | theguardian.com: "

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See also - Fish-eating spiders are crawling all over the world, scientists find

Famous Last Words

Last Words Spoken By Criminals Before Execution

Like Something you would Find in a Zoo

It would seem that love knows no boundaries where the animal world is concerned, proving indeed that prejudice is for the primitive!



Rare half-zebra half-donkey "zonkey" born at zoo in Mexico - Independent.ie:

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Noah's Ark is a Washout in Exeter

From: Exeter Express and Echo:

An Exeter cinema was forced to close due to flooding - on the same day Noah opened on the big-screen nationwide. 

Those wanting to attend the first viewing of the latest blockbuster at Vue cinema in Exeter on Friday could have been forgiven for thinking they got a little closer to the action than anticipated. 

Staff discovered the excess water when they arrived for work just after 7am. The venue had to close to the public until 2pm - meaning the first showing of Noah at 12.15pm had to be cancelled. 

The scale of water may not have been as biblical as it was on the big screen - and it is unclear if any animals had to be rescued from the confines of the cinema - but the irony wasn’t lost on cinema-goers. 

One tweeted: "#Irony. The day Noah was released Exeter Vue was flooded overnight." 

The film starring Russell Crowe is expected to become one of this season’s biggest blockbusters and opened across the country on Friday. It tells the story of Noah’s vision of Earth destroyed by a flood and he decides that The Creator wants him to build an ark to protect the world’s innocent animals. 

A spokesman for Vue cinema said: “We can confirm that there was flooding at Vue Exeter on Friday 4th April due to a fault with an ice machine. 

"We are open for business as usual and are working with engineers to get this issue resolved as quickly as possible.”

Read more: Noah Movie Real Life Flooding | Express & Echo

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The Good Ship Sails for Shirley Temple Black

With the passing of famous child actress, Shirley Temple (later Shirley Temple Black), a rare cinematic curio has come to light.

According to Slate, Temple's early films were Baby Burlesks shorts, which satirised popular movies of the day.

The joke was that the actors were all under the age of 5. Historian John Kasson writes of the Burlesks: "The intended humor of these shorts, which seems exceedingly strained to modern viewers, rests on the difference between adult knowledge, desires, motives, and pleasures, and childhood innocence."

In the following Baby Burlesk, entitled Kid in Africa, Temple plays a missionary by the name of Madam Cradlebait, on a cannibal taming expedition in 'darkest Africa'. Whatever about the concerns raised that the film is 'uncomfortably racist', its very awkwardness provides an interesting glimpse into the early years of Hollywood.

Shirley Temple Black: The awkwardness of her Baby Burlesks films.:

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When Holidays Bite Back

The islands of Hawaii are a tourist paradise and surely rank high in everyone's dream vacation. But when things go wrong, who you going to call? If you just said 'Ghostbusters', you really are a twat and likely to be in need of more than mere legal advice. However, if you need a Hawaii Injury Lawyer, it's worth knowing that Cronin, Fried, Sekiya, Kekina & Fairbanks are the islands largest personal injury law firm who also serve neighbouring islands.

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Spanners in the Works

The creator of this fascinating collection is an Australian by the name of John Piccoli. He lives in Boort area near Bendigo in Victoria. For how it all got started, read an Interview with 'The Spanner Man' by Maureen Lucas.

Hole in the Wall (or How Not to Rob a Bank)

Images of a failed bank heist that took place in a west of Ireland town.

Although the robbers succeeded in their bid to wrench the ATM from the wall that was holding it, they were apparently panicked by the rapid response of the local law enforcement personnel, forcing them to dump the stolen goods "unopened in a field 15 kms away", where the machine (an presumably the contents) were later recovered.

Also left behind at the scene was the mechanical digger used in the robbery bid. All of which might lead one to opine: Does crime really pay?

ATM machine found after being ‘ripped from wall’ - Independent.ie:

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